Am I alive? I’m relieved to let you all know that I survived the wilderness. I know you were all very worried. And now your next question is going to be if I liked it? Well, as someone who works hard for their money and likes to be clean and warm, I can say, no, I do not like pretending to be homeless for a few days and calling it a “vacation.” Ain’t no way that’s relaxing.
There are a few things about this camping trip that I want you all to know…
- It’s fun for the first 20 minutes. Then you just want to go home and wash your face with your Clarisonic and go sleep in a clean bed.
- We were woken up both mornings at 6:30 by louder than hell gun shots being fired literally outside of our tent. Nothing says WAKE UP faster than duck hunting season starting. Fun times.
- Some thing’s in life are just once-in-a-lifetime type things. I hope camping is one of them.
- There’s is nothing fun about having to get up at 4 AM to have to go to the bathroom by yourself in the pitch black.
- Especially when word got around that there was a bear sighting on the other side of the campground earlier in the day. (See #3)
- There will be no “next time…”
- There is nothing relaxing about camping. Absolutely nothing.
- If you want to eat, you have to work for it. Really, really hard.
- Oh, you want hot water? You better start a fire and wait 45 minutes until it starts to boil, then you can have coffee – but it will be cold in 2 minutes flat.
- Alcohol and naps are the only way I survived this trip. Drink a lot, take a nap, forget your camping. Repeat.
- Every time you hear a rustle of leaves or a branch break outside your tent you immediately think your life is over and going to be ended by either a hungry bear or a crazed masked murderer.